Nostalgia for EVERYTHING

Right now, I’m on a bus somewhere on the highway between Albany, NY and Boston, MA. It’s pitch black and raining, and because I’ve already done some homework (and don’t feel like tackling a huge set of Epi slides on a Greyhound), I’m just sort of sitting here thinking.

I was in Ithaca, NY for the weekend visiting Katy at college. Elliot came up to visit from Pennsylvania for Friday night and most of Saturday. All and all, I had a fantastic time. But now, as I’m returning back to my still-new home of Boston, I’m feeling that weird tinge that I can never really identify when it happens. It’s like I’m trying to cling to all the wonderfulness of this weekend, because I’m starting to feel as though weekends like it are going to be few and far between in the future. It’s a feeling of preemptive loss that I’ve been having a lot lately. And frankly, its annoying.

Katy is a senior in college now. And Elliot is a last-year med student. And I’m a first year grad student. And we’re all getting kind of old.

I’m in disbelief that my little sister is about to finish college, and become an adult, and possibly even move across the country (or if she gets her way, across the ocean) to STAY, in less than a year. And my boyfriend is about to be a doctor. A for-real doctor. And I’m going to move to wherever he does his residency, and we’re going to start this adult life where we have careers and maybe even a house and stuff like that. I don’t know.

Where in these future lives that we’re going to have, will there be time for seeing all my old friends? As my old friends become older, both in age, and in proximity to the time we met, how am I going to maintain those relationships? How am I going to be able to see my parents on a regular basis? How can I make life slow and stay the same for once? It’s like the older I get, the faster it goes.

I know this is one of those great truths in life–nothing stays the same. And change is good. And I like it. But I miss so many things all at once sometimes that it truly starts to hurt a little bit. I miss pool parties in our backyard in Bayport when I was little, I miss evenings spent talking over pitchers at the Penny Bar, I miss running through the sprinklers at the Washington Monument at dawn, I miss spending hours in Chippy’s garage playing ping pong. I miss the many places and people I’ve loved all at the same time. And I just keep collecting people and places. I already miss nights spent with Elliot this summer in Guatemala. I already miss the fantastic simplicity of beer and laughter that was last night in Ithaca.

I don’t know why I imagine that life is all downhill from here. I’m sure there are new friends to make (while keeping the old, of course) and new laughs to share, and new places to fall in love with. And if I’ve been repeating this pattern for a while, why am I so scared all of a sudden now?

Quarter-life crisis, or something else? I’m not really sure. Somehow, I hope it all goes away soon, but I kind of don’t. These memories are what makes me me, I guess. I’ve had a very, very blessed life so far–full of so many amazing friends and family. I wish I could just be happy now, and not worry about what’s about to come.

For the time being, I should probably stop listening to this song as well: Stop This Train–John Mayer.

 

Boston vs. NYC (aka a case of intra-American city culture shock)

OK folks. Sorry about not actually updating with the second part of my vacation in August, but luckily I have close to no readership, so I doubt this actually matters to anyone.

Obviously, since writing that post I have moved to Boston (I left on the 26th of August, so it’s officially been 2 weeks today!) and am now getting pretty much used to living in this city. Surprisingly, I have found it FAR more difficult to adjust to this city than I did to NYC, and I’m not entirely sure why.

I think part of it might just be a natural sense of weirdness that comes along with transitioning from the working world back into the world of academia. When I was applying for grad school, and then finally accepted and chose Boston University, there was of course, the idealistic fantasy of spending days poring over interesting health research, working my ass off in an attempt to become a fantastic future public health provider.

Then reality set in once I started classes, and realized, Damn–this is actually a lot of work. And suddenly, the mind-numbing work I did just months previously seems somehow attractive.

BUT, before you begin to doubt that I’m not enjoying myself, I’ll put your mind at ease. I am enjoying classes, and I know that even though I’m feeling intimidated by the work load, I know it’s only a matter of weeks before the excellent student I once was reappears and inhabits my body again. I mean, today alone I almost single-handedly came up with a PSA aimed at preventing violence against women targeted to men. And I came up with it quickly. And it was a really good idea! And I thought, Wow, maybe I do actually have a future doing something constructive. It was nice for a change.

Anyway, what’s been even weirder though, than the transition between working life & grad school, has been the transition between NYC and Boston. It wasn’t a direct transition, as Elliot and I had been living on LI for June & July, but still, one can’t help but compare their current city to the last city they lived in.

Here’s my current pros & cons list for Boston:

Pros

• Everyone here is interesting. A lot of people read on the T (I would say more than read on the subway in NYC.) And they’re reading about varied topics. And they just sort of RADIATE smart. Well, not everyone does, but plenty do.
• I know a LOT of the neighborhoods already. This could be a pro or a con, depending on what one likes in a city, but its sort of nice to operate on a smaller scale in order to become more intimately familiar with a lot of the area, rather than just a select few parts.
• People walk at MY insanely fast pace. I was walking home from Washington Square tonight, and the two people walking in front of me were walking at the same break-neck pace I walk when I’m alone at night (aka just as fast as you can walk without jogging). This NEVER NEVER NEVER happened in NY. It may have been an anomoly, but I’ll be watching to see if it continues.

Cons

• The T. Oh my god. The T. What is up with this transportation system? It runs above ground, so the trolleys, which are, for the most part, two measly cars long, have to stop at all traffic intersections. Therefore it takes forever to get anywhere. It closes at 12:45 a.m. when last call for bars is at 2 a.m. Then there is the craziness about having to swipe your card, even if you got on at the back of the train. It’s just a chaotic system in general, and in my opinion, not as convenient as the NYC subway.
• Undergrads. are. EVERYWHERE. I mean, granted, I live on the Brighton/Brookline border, and I have to go through the regular Boston University area to get to my classes at the Med School campus at the South End, but still. Its almost sort of creepy how much the young people outnumber older & middle-aged people. And I’ve never seen so many pairs of dumb over-sized sunglasses in one place before.
• It’s expensive. Well, NYC was expensive too, but I was making actual money there since I was working. Now I’m living off of loans. But I guess I can’t really blame that on Boston.
• Don’t even get me started about the accent.

I’m sure that in time this will become home to me, just like Astoria did when I lived in NYC. I guess part of me misses being able to relax on a Friday night in the East Village without worrying what time I’m staying out until, and having no work to do over the weekends, but I know that ultimately, I’m doing the right thing by being back in school. I’m really excited about the possibility of doing a research fellowship here, and actually paving the path for what I imagine is going to be a pretty great career helping under served women domestically and abroad.

All it’s going to take now is patience, and hard work. So I guess I’ll have to work on that…

 

Anddddd I’m back! (Part One)

After three fannnntastic weeks spent south of the border with Elliot, I’m back to New York. I’m not sure I could sum up our entire trip in one journal entry, but I can certainly try.

We flew into Cancun, Mexico from Newark on the 26th of July. Our 6 p.m. flight took off at 10 p.m. because of an ill-timed 20-minute thunderstorm. Yes, a 20-minute storm caused a delay of four hours. The joys of Newark Airport know no bounds.

We got into Cancun without a place to stay, and found a cheap (and sweltering) place in downtown Cancun for $40 or so. We got on a ferry to Isla Mujeres the next day, where we stayed for 3 nights. It’s a beautiful little island with a less tourist-y feel than Cancun. The water’s warm and turquoise blue, the town still has (somewhat) of a local feel–aka everyone still speaks Spanish, instead of English.

After 3 days there beach-bumming, we headed to Tulum, where we spent one night in a beachside cabana. It was a beautiful beach, but not as calm and relaxing as the waters of Mujeres. Plus, the place that we stayed at had a decidedly isolated (and weird) feeling about it. Elliot and I agreed we felt sort of separated from society there. And not in a good way. Sort of in a creepy Lord of the Flies way.

Next day took us to Belize City, Belize (after a night in Chetumal, Mexico), where we got on the Ferry to Caye Caulker. Words will never be able to describe the three days we spent in Caye Caulker. Over those three days we A) met half of the local population–all of who recognized us later and continued to say hi B) almost died twice at sea (once when we got caught in a thunderstorm on a kayak, another when we got caught in a thunderstorm on a sailboat with a bunch of rastas) and C) fell in love with everything about the place–from the reggae bars to the fresh banana shakes to the whole “go slow” mentality. It may sound like I’m describing any Carribean island, and I might be. I’ve never really been to anywhere in the Carribean (minus a day in Nassau, Bahamas), but there was something so decidely laid-back and genuine about the place, I think it must be a true anomoly. Even though it’s a tourist destination, at least half, probably more, of the population still lives in very simple conditions (read: third-world). Most of the local economy is still fishing based.

Ok–since I’m falling asleep while writing this (it’s 2:30 a.m. and I couldn’t sleep), I’ll leave the rest to be written tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll have enough energy to also touch on this ludicrous ‘right-wingers-bringing-guns-to-health-care-debates-where-Obama-is-speaking’ issue too. Always too much to write about, and too little time.

G’night!

 

MTV’s “16 and Pregnant”

OK, ok. As an avid music fan, I am the first to decry the shameful lack of actual music-based programming that MTV plays nowadays. I’m also no supporter of reality shows. But, I have to say that as someone who’s intensely interested in female and reproductive health, MTV’s docu/reality series “16 and Pregnant” is actually quite a valuable show.

Apparently they’ve been showing all the episodes in the series in a marathon this weekend, due to the upcoming season finale, complete with a reunion of all the teenaged mothers and hosted by the inescapable Dr. Drew.  

The series has been criticized by some in the media as glamorizing teen pregnancy–and I have to wonder–are they watching the same show I’m watching?

The teen mothers on the show come from various walks of life, but all share one important thing in common–none of them are ready to even entertain the idea of seriously being parents. All are ill-equipped, not just monetarily, but emotionally, to deal with bringing home a baby. One was concerned that breastfeeding the baby would make her boobs sag. (“No,” the nurse replies. “Breastfeeding doesn’t make your boobs sag–pregnancy basically does that.” Uh oh.) Some of the teenaged mothers struggle alone–some have more family support or support than their boyfriends than others. But none of them lead glamorous lives during or after their pregnances. They lose hours of sleep at night, give up their high school lives, and stay at home for months at a time, not seeing their friends, while living their new life as a young mom.

If I had seen this show at 16, I wouldn’t have envied any one of them, or thought, “Hey, that’s a terrific idea. I’ll get pregnant.” My priorities at 16 were going to the beach every weekend with my friends–an activity that would’ve been somewhat hampered if I’d had to find a babysitter, whom I could hardly pay from my meager wages as a gift store clerk, every time I wanted to go out.

It was especially surprising to me, considering how ill-prepared these young girls are, that only ONE of the six girls opts not to keep her baby–instead deciding with her boyfriend to give her up for adoption. (If so inclined, you can watch the full episode here.)

The maturity of the couple, Catelynn & Tyler, both sixteen, and actually step-brother and sister (they were dating before their parents got married, OK?), gives me hope for the next generation.

Both teenagers have had difficult lives, growing up in their small town in Michigan. Tyler’s father was incarcerated for 10 years while he was younger; Catelynn’s mom, when she finds out that her daughter is planning to give the baby up for adoption, becomes incredibly nasty and unsupportive, even going so far as to buy Catelynn a crib and some stuffed animals in an effort to manipulate her emotionally into keeping the baby.

Amazingly, Tyler and Catelynn handled the entire situation with grace–from the outset they discussed what was best for the baby, and completely unselfishly decided they just couldn’t provide the kind of life for their daughter that another older, more financially stable couple could. Both teens reflected on their own family backgrounds, and decided that a child of theirs would be better off somewhere away from the painful childhoods they had both lived.

The emotional maturity that both Catelynn and Tyler showed in this episode honestly moved me to tears, especially considering how screwed up their own families were. To me, they are a perfect example of everything done right in a teenage pregnancy, and I really applaud MTV for giving an honest representation of what teenage pregnancy really looks like.

While I’m not advocating teenage pregnancy, I do realize that these things are going to happen. People have been knockin’ boots for years–an abstinence-only education isn’t going to change that. The best way to keep young women happy and healthy is to educate them–and “16 and Pregnant” does a very good job of not sugar-coating any of the proceedings of having a baby as a teen.

I can only hope that other teenaged mothers, faced with the decision that Catelynn and the other girls on the show faced, can take her as an example of how to come into your own as a woman, and handle their pregnancies with the same type of maturity.

 

And so it begins…

All right. I know. This is my trillionth attempt to begin and keep a blog. Of this, I am more than aware.

But this time, I maintain, it WILL be different. It has to be different.

I have decided that my old blog, while certainly functional, was not pretty enough. And if it’s not pretty, what’s the incentive to even publish it, right? Here, on WordPress, I can create a page with a customized header (check out the expertly cropped picture of the Charles River I snagged from Google Images), a more fancy link page, and all that other fun techie stuff.

Another incentive to blog: from here on out, I will have a real life again, which certainly can’t hurt the endeavor, as I’ll have real things to write about again.

This week marks the last days of my job in NYC. Two weeks from now, Elliot and I are setting out on a 3 week journey from the Yucatan peninsula in Mexico to Guatemala City. And when I get back, a new life begins for me at Boston University School of Public Health. And I want YOU, yes you, to be able to read all about it.

So join me. I can’t promise I’ll write all the time. But I do promise that I will try. And dude, what more can you really ask of me?